and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize