Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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