Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
