I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
