Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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