just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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