so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize