i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
