the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i have two assholes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
