my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
