LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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