You can't motorboat a personality
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
