Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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