I got chris browned last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
