I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
