It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
