yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
