I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
