I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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