Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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