Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
