So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have already put on my inside pants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize