the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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