Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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