Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize