How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
how drunk are you?
Several
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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