so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
