he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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