Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
