im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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