yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
