I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
