His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
