ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm passing your future prison.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
