Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
