things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
