i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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