Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
