'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize