She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need moral support for this bender
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize