now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
