This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize