I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
