That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
