I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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