life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
