We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
