ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
