So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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