Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
