mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
