i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
