Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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