ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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