Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
