Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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