i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Even my vagina gasped.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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