if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
