So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
