week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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