I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All the doctor said was why
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
