At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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