My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
