How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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